Facing Tokyo
By Tisha

	She had left to get away from the hurt. Losing him had hurt so bad. But leaving had ended up hurting her too. She'd left everyone she had ever loved, even if the one who she loved the most had refused to love her back. She knew leaving hadn't affected him, since he apparently didn't care about her anymore. It must have hurt her family and friends a lot. But it just would have been too hard  to stay there and see him live his life without her. That was why she couldn't bear to stay in Tokyo.

	Her life now was empty. Useless. She had always put her friends and family above herself. Now she had no friends or family, and she didn't care about herself. There wasn't a single day that she didn't wonder about everyone she had known back in Tokyo, but she had been gone for too long to consider going back now. It had been seven years. She wondered how much their lives had changed in seven years. Hers had certainly changed a great deal, though by her own doing.

	She had been so many people in that time. None of them were happy. None of them had any real value. And none of them were the Usagi she used to be. She changed her name, did whatever she had to do to survive, and tried not to feel anything. She'd been only fourteen when she left. Young, pure, innocent, happy. Happy until he broke her heart. She hadn't felt true happiness since.
	
	When she first left it had been hard to survive. Not many people wanted to hire a fourteen year old runaway. She hadn't made it far at first. In Northern Japan she had finally gotten a job as a busgirl in a small restaurant. The pay was barely enough for a tiny apartment and just enough food to survive on. As soon as she had saved enough money to leave Japan, she did. It was just still too close to Tokyo. She lived many places, from Italy, to France, to England, and now in the United States. She didn't know what she was looking for each time she went somewhere new, maybe some semblance of her old self and old life. Deep down though, she knew that was only in Tokyo. And she told herself she was never going back there.

	She had grown up. Her figure had filled out, making her desirable to many guys. She was constantly getting hit on and asked out. She hated it. At first she had refused them all. But she grew tired of saying no. Tired of caring. She had to become a different person to survive on her own. She had to be bold, assertive. She started saying yes. Sometimes it helped her get something she wanted. A place to stay for the night. A free meal. To temporarily not feel so alone. Sometimes she just said yes because she was numb and didn't care. 

	She had ended up here in Los Angeles for the past two years. She had gotten the opportunity to model, and while she hadn't cared much about the profession, it paid way more than any of her previous jobs. Plus she had stayed put in one city for longer than she ever had. She had a nice apartment, but she still went through life like a puppet. She didn't feel anything, she just did what was asked of her.

+++++++++++++++++++
	
	When Usagi was twenty-one years old, and had already been modeling for three years, she got her first cover. She actually felt some excitement from this big break. They sent her a copy of the magazine and she just stared at her picture, trying to see any sign of her old self in it. She didn't look like herself. She had been wearing tons of makeup, her hair was short and trendy with multiple highlights and lowlights. The picture was airbrushed. The picture looked as fake as she felt in this new life.

	She looked in the mirror for hours, thinking of the innocent little fourteen-year-old that she had been not that long ago. She had been so happy back then, until he had broken her. She had loved him so much and she had believed that he loved her in return until all of a sudden he said he didn't. 

	To get her mind from her past she turned on the TV. The news was on so she tried to immerse herself in what was being said to get rid of the painful memories in her brain.

	"Charles Larson is going to be the first person to ever undergo a new surgery hoping to cure A.I.D.S. World-renowned surgeon Chiba Mamoru of Tokyo, Japan will be flying to Los Angeles tomorrow to perform the operation..."

	So much for the news getting her mind off of her past. It was now following her all the way to Los Angeles. Her ears tuned out the newscaster but she watched as they showed his picture. He looked exactly the same. Slightly older, maybe a little more tired. Although apparently he was now a world-renowned surgeon, so no wonder he was tired. She turned off the TV, wondering how she was going to get any sleep tonight.

+++++++++++++++++++

	Mamoru stepped off of the plane and was swarmed by reporters and photographers. He hurried through them all and slipped into the airport gift shop. He grabbed a pair of sunglasses and a hat, hoping to conceal his identity with them, and got in line to pay. The line was rather long so he looked around him while he was waiting. Right there in front of him was a magazine, and *she* was on the cover. Sure she looked completely different but he would know her anywhere, it was his Usako. 

	It was his turn at the register so he grabbed the magazine as well. He put on his disguise and hurried out into the busy streets to grab a taxi. The whole ride to his hotel he just stared at her picture. He opened the magazine to the photo spread about her. It said her name was Tori Asako, but he knew without a doubt that it was Usagi. 

+++++++++++++++++++

	Usagi found herself constantly watching the news to hear something about Mamoru's surgery, or just to see him. She didn't even know why. She had spent seven years convincing herself that she hated him for ruining her life. She finally saw something again, when the news camera was showing him getting out of a cab after he arrived in Los Angeles. She gasped when she saw that he was holding a copy of the magazine that had her picture on the cover. Did it mean something? Had he recognized her and bought it on purpose? Or was it just a coincidence? She told herself it didn't matter. As he had told her seven years ago, he didn't love her.

+++++++++++++++++++

	The surgery was a success and Mamoru became even more famous. It was starting to annoy him. He had a flight scheduled to go home, and he took it even though he had to resist the urge to stay and find Usagi. They had all wondered where she went, and they had all given up on finding her. He hated himself for chasing her away. He knew that she left because of him breaking up with her, even though he never told her friends about it. 

	He had looked for her every night back then, knowing that everything was just a really bad mistake. She had disappeared without a trace. And now all of a sudden she was on the cover of a magazine. The pictures inside the magazine were very provocative and nothing like the Usagi he knew. She had certainly changed. When he got off of the plane in Tokyo he completely ignored everyone who spoke to him. He headed straight for Hikawa Shrine. 

	Rei was outside when he got there and she looked at him strangely. "Mamoru-san, what are you doing here? I thought you were in America doing that surgery."

	He didn't even answer her, he just held out the magazine. She stared at the picture and took it from him. "It couldn't be."

	"But it is."

	"Did you see her?"

	He shook his head. "No. But God how I wanted to."

	"But...don't you want an explanation? How could you be so close to her, the closest we've been in seven years, and not try to find her- if not just to ask her why?"

	He took the magazine back and looked at her picture. "Because I know why. And it's because of me." He looked into Rei's confused eyes and decided to tell her. He told her about the dreams that he had and the way he had treated her. And then she was suddenly missing and he just felt so guilty that he pretended not to know anything about it when he was secretly searching for her every night.

	Rei was mad at him. Mad for driving her away in the first place, mad for not telling them the truth, and mad for not trying to find her now that they knew where she was. "I can't believe you. Do you not love her anymore? Do you not care if none of us ever see her again?"

	"Of course I love her Rei. Look at this." He opened the magazine to one of the pictures of her only half-dressed and not so innocent looking. "It's because of me that she's there doing this. It's my fault. Don't you think I hate myself for that? I couldn't possibly have tracked her down and been able to face her. Not knowing how much I must have hurt her."

	"Well I don't care. All of us love her too. Even if she's different, she's still Usagi. She's still my best friend. It's still worth seeing her."

	Mamoru simply handed her the magazine. "I bought a few copies of this. You can keep this one." With that he turned around and left. Part of himself was already regretting not following this clue, and he didn't like Rei making him feel guilty as well. It was his fault she had left, but all of this was still Usagi's doing. She was the one who wanted to stay hidden.

+++++++++++++++++++

	Usagi had avoided going to Tokyo since the day she had left. When she was offered to do a fashion show in Tokyo something made her say yes. A huge part of her wanted to see if returning to Tokyo was really as scary as she had made it out to be in her head.  And it was not as if she was moving back. It was just one fashion show and then she would come home. Tokyo was a huge city. She told herself that chances were low that she would see anyone she knew. 
+++++++++++++++++++

	Minako was the last to arrive at the parlor where the four of them had made plans to have lunch. "She's coming here." She told them as she sat down.

	Makoto creased her eyebrows. "Who?"	

	"Usagi. Or Tori Asako. She's going to be in a fashion show right here in Tokyo."

	Rei's eyes widened. "She is? How did you find out?" 

	"Because I am going to be in the very same fashion show."

	"Wow, this means that we're finally going to see her." Ami said wearily. "I wonder why she's coming here all of a sudden. Wouldn't she know that we'd hear about it?"

	Rei shrugged. "Maybe she wanted us to know."

	"Or maybe she just figured that we wouldn't pay any attention to 'Tori Asako' coming to Tokyo."

	Makoto nodded at Minako's suggestion. "You're right. She does have a new name. She probably just figures no one would put the two of them together."

	Rei sighed. "Why do you guys think that she is purposely avoiding us? Maybe she's coming to Tokyo because she wants to see us."

	"Rei, as much as we'd all like to believe that, she *did* leave. And she had been away for over seven years. She could have come back at any time if she actually wanted to."

	"Whether she wants to see us or not, she's going to. Minako, can you get us all tickets to the show?"

	"Already have." She produced three tickets and passed them out to her friends. But she was excited that she was actually going to be backstage with Usagi.

+++++++++++++++++++

	"Damn it, I'm so stupid. I should have known. Maybe I can tell them I'm sick. Or I can just cancel. But I signed a contract; they could take away everything I have." Frustrated, she paced back and forth in her apartment. The program for her Tokyo show had just been delivered and the name 'Aino Minako' was in it. There was no avoiding it now. Either she had to go to Tokyo and see her old friends or she had to lose her job.

	Sure she actually *wanted* to see Minako and all of her friends but she just didn't think she could face them anymore. She figured she must have hurt them pretty bad the way she had left. And Minako must have also received a program and saw her name on it. Or at least she saw the name Tori Asako. But if Mamoru had showed them the magazine then they would know it was her. But he might not have shown it to them. Maybe he was still just the jerk who broke up with her and he didn't even care that it was her on the cover. Maybe she could go and see her friends, let them know she was okay, then head home without ever having to see Mamoru.

+++++++++++++++++++

	Minako had pictured that when she saw Usagi it would be like a movie reunion and they would just hug and cry and it would be like nothing ever happened. But the minute she saw Usagi she was just overcome with anger. She had never really felt mad at Usagi for leaving, and now all at once she was. She was standing on the other side of the room getting a dress fitted on her while other people worked around her getting her hair and makeup perfect. She looked different. She looked like a stuck-up model.

	Usagi knew that Minako had seen her and she knew that a confrontation was inevitable. So she decided to walk over and be the first to say something. "Hi Minako." She noticed how good her friend looked. She also looked like a model. She was gorgeous, but in a more natural way than herself.

	Minako looked at her. She couldn't believe that she had casually greeted her after she left them all. Minako couldn't think of a single thing to say so she didn't say anything. Usagi swallowed. "I missed you."

	Minako suddenly turned toward her. "You missed me? Oh, okay that makes sense because *I* was the one who suddenly disappeared and hid from you for seven years. "

	Usagi felt tears welling up in her eyes, which surprisingly made her feel like the "crybaby" she had been all those years ago. In recent times she had never let herself cry. These people were her weakness. They made her human again. She took a deep breath. She wasn't sure what to say, but she had to say something. Suddenly though the fashion show director came over and pushed her toward the stage. "You're on Tori."

	She couldn't do anything about it so she went out on the stage and modeled the dress while people snapped pictures.  While she was on the runway she noticed Rei, Ami, and Makoto sitting in the audience. She pretended she hadn't seen them and went on like usual. She decided to rush back to talk to Minako but it turned out that Minako was the next model because they passed each other on the runway. Rei, Ami, and Makoto could sense the tension between them from their seats.

	Usagi waited backstage for Minako. The people immediately started getting her ready in her next outfit but she still stood and waited for Minako. When she finally spotted the blonde she went up to her. "Minako-chan, I'm sorry. I couldn't stay here, not without Mamoru."

	Minako turned toward her as people started to get her changed as well. "Well maybe if you hadn't just disappeared you'd know that Mamoru loves you and always has."

	Usagi shook her head, confused. "No, he dumped me. He told me that he didn't love me anymore."

	"Because he wanted to save you. He didn't even tell us about all of this until he saw you in that magazine." She shook her head in frustration. "You've messed with all of our lives by leaving. Do you know how hard it was without you?"

	It was time for Usagi to go on again so she turned and went out on stage to model the outfit she was wearing. This time she made eye contact with her three friends, while still keeping a straight face and trying to be professional. As soon as she was off of the stage she broke down in tears. The people came toward her with another dress and started yelling at her to stop crying. "No, I'm not going on again."

	With that she left the room and went to sit out back. Minako watched her and wondered whether she should have been so mean after all. But she had to go on once more so she hoped that Usagi would still be there when she was done. When the fashion show was over Minako put her own clothes back on and met up with her three friends. 

	"What happened? Where is she?" Rei asked.

	Minako shook her head. "When I saw her I just got so mad. I think I was too mean to her. She started crying and went to the back of the studio."

	They went and found Usagi, who was sitting on a step still dressed in the fashion show's outfit and crying. Rei sat down to her right and Makoto sat to her left as Minako and Ami just remained standing in front of her. Usagi tried quickly to wipe her tears away, ashamed at how weak she was that she was crying after so many years.

	"Stay here Usagi, we all love you. We've all missed you so much." Makoto said as she put her arm around Usagi's shoulder.

	"Exactly. You love Usagi. I'm not Usagi anymore. You would hate the person that I am now. I do."

	Rei swallowed back tears. "Usagi, you can change. You can stay here and be who you used to be again."

	Usagi stood up and started pacing. "No. I can't. Do you actually want to know what I've become? Let me tell you. I lost my virginity at age 15. I didn't even speak enough of the guy's language to speak a full sentence to him. Since then I've probably had like 30 partners simply because it seemed like too much trouble to say no. Does that sound anything like your friend? Do you really want to know me anymore?" She build up her anger, at herself mostly, to drive away her tears.

	"Usagi, please?" Ami pleaded but Usagi just shook her head and walked passed them. 

	Rei stood up and yelled at her, "You're not even going to go home and tell your parents that you're okay?"

	Usagi turned around. "And tell them the horrible person I really am? Yeah right. I'd rather have them believe that their perfect little Usagi is dead."

	She only made it a block before Mamoru was standing in front of her. Usagi looked up at him. The difference in their heights  wasn't as bad as it used to be since she had gotten quite a bit taller. Mamoru suddenly leaned down and kissed her more passionately than she'd ever been kissed before. When he finally pulled away she was left almost senseless. When it faded away she slapped him. "How dare you mess with me so much? One minute you don't love me and the next you're kissing me."

	Mamoru almost laughed. "Usako, it was not the next minute. It's been seven years. And I've always loved you."

	Usagi shook her head. "I've already heard all of this crap from Minako."

	"You're leaving?"

	"Yes I am." She had build up her tough exterior well enough over these past seven years. She knew she could hold back the tears until she was in private.

	"Usako, please don't," he begged. His eyes looked very sincere and hurt, but she hardened her already numb heart. 

	"You don't understand. Usagi was sweet and pure and nice. She was made of crystal and you broke her. I'm not Usagi anymore. I'm Tori. Tori is mean and bitter and not the person who you claim you loved. Tori has never once felt any happiness anywhere near what I felt when you just kissed me. But I'm not just going to forgive you. I can't. You ruined my life."

	For a minute Mamoru wondered if she actually had multiple personalities. "I don't care about what name you go by or what you have done in your past; you are still the same person. All of that goodness I love is still in there. You can stay here and be Usagi again if you want to."

	Usagi only walked passed him and continued to the airport. Mamoru fell into step with her and kept talking but she ignored everything he said. She ignored him as she bought a plane ticket and boarded the plane. When she was finally seated safely on the plane heading to Los Angeles she looked out her window and she could still see Mamoru inside, looking at her plane. She finally let her tears go.

+++++++++++++++++++

	Mamoru could see that Usagi had changed. Where she was once carefree and fun, she was now hard and unhappy. He mourned the loss of his old Usagi, but despite the changes in her he was still in love with her. He regretted that he had not found her when he was in Los Angeles. Maybe it would have been a little less overwhelming without having her friends added in, plus being in Tokyo. He wouldn't be surprised if she now flew back to LA and packed up to run away again. If that happened, he'd likely never see her again. He couldn't let that happen. He was going to follow her and somehow make her admit that she still loved him too. He didn't want to live without her any longer.
	He had no clue how long it might take to win her over, if it was even possible. He took an indefinite leave from work, asked a friend to get his mail and keep an eye on his apartment, and packed a good amount of clothes. Within a day, he was off to Los Angeles to win Usagi back.

+++++++++++++++++++


	Usagi looked around her apartment. Everything was neatly cleaned, simply because she hardly ever moved anything. She had elegant furniture and a giant TV screen. Magazines with her picture in them were spread out across the table. The only food in her refrigerator was diet food that didn't even taste good. Her answering machine already had thirty-eight messages on it. Probably from her agent asking why she had walked off the fashion show. This life had no meaning to her. 

	She didn't find happiness in seeing herself in magazines or in having lots of money. She had seen a glimpse of happiness in Tokyo in four friends who still cared about her after seven years. And in Mamoru who apparently still loved her. But if she were to go back it would be true that she had lived so horribly for seven years for nothing. He had loved her the whole time. She had never had any reason to leave Tokyo and everyone she loved. The agony of the whole thing caught up with her yet again and she started sobbing.

	She eventually forced herself to stop crying. She did what she had taught herself to do, numb herself and not feel anything. She grabbed an energy bar from the kitchen and hit play on her answering machine. 
 
	Her agent's voice came in on the first message. "Tori, great news. Playboy's ready to pay you a quarter million to do a spread and you've got a 50/50 chance at the cover!" Usagi sighed and forwarded through the next ten messages, which were all from her agent offering more modeling jobs.

	The next message was her agent again. "Tori, some Japanese photographer has a picture of you kissing that famous doctor guy. He's selling it to the American tabloids. You walked out on the show to make out with a Japanese doctor? Call me!"

	"Usako?" Mamoru's voice came over the machine and Usagi turned the volume up. "I know this isn't the life you want. I know that you want me as much as I want you. No one cares about your past." There was a long silence. "Please call me." He left a number but she didn't write it down. She pressed delete before she even listened to the rest of the messages.

	The phone rang and she took a deep breath before answering. It was her agent.

	"I need an answer about Playboy. And what are we going to do about this tabloid thing?"

	"You can tell Playboy no."

	"What? Tori, are you crazy?"	

	"No I'm not. No more pictures like that."

	Silence. "You are the weirdest client I've ever had. Why would you turn this down?"

	"I just want some time off. I need time to think. And when I do decide to come back to do more modeling, I don't want any offers from Playboy." With that she hung up the phone. She threw away the rest of her energy bar and headed out the door for some ice cream.
+++++++++++++++++++

	The cover read, "Cover girl and Miracle Doctor- A Fairy Tale." Usagi decided to buy it. She wasn't even sure why. When she got home she read the whole article. She had never even glanced at tabloids before but it was amazing how accurate this one was. They knew that Mamoru had bought the magazine with her picture on it while he was in America. And they knew that she had kissed him while she was in Japan. They made it sound like some ultra-romantic long distance love story. 

	There was a knock at the door so she got up and looked through the peephole. It was a man in a uniform so she opened the door for him. "Are you Tori Asako?" Usagi nodded. "We've got a delivery for you." Another man came in holding two vases full of red roses. Usagi stared at them in awe as several other men came in bringing in even more flowers. By the time they had all left her apartment was full of red roses. According to the deliveryman there were fifty dozen roses. 

	She just stood in the middle of the room, turning in circles to take in all of the beautiful flowers. Red roses. The fragrance  was overwhelming. She spotted a little note for the first time and went to get it. "Usako...Tori...whoever you are, I love you just like I did seven years ago. Just like I did a thousand years ago and just like I will a thousand years from now."

	A few hours later the phone rang but she didn't answer. She listened as Mamoru left a message. "Usako, if this is about Japan, I'll move to America. I'm not letting go of you this time. Never again." She had to fight the urge to grab the phone.

+++++++++++++++++++

	It took Usagi half an hour each day just to water all of the roses, but she couldn't let them die. Somehow she felt more human than she had in the last seven years. Mamoru left her messages at least twice a day. She kind of liked the attention. The phone rang and her heart started to pound in anticipation that it would be Mamoru. She laughed at herself for acting like a silly schoolgirl. 

	"Usako, how come you never answer? I'm not going to give up by being ignored. I love you." Usagi smiled. There was a knock at the door and she went to it, pulling it open without even looking through the peephole first. It was Mamoru. Her jaw dropped.

	"Mamoru, but how..."

	He held up a cell phone to answer her question and then he just stood looking at her. Usagi didn't know what to say but she couldn't just let him stand in the hall so she stood back as an invitation. Mamoru came in and looked around, taking in the apartment. She had a nice-sized apartment and nice furnishings. His eyes landed on all of the flowers he had sent, still sitting in their vases. "Looks like you have an admirer."

	Usagi couldn't help but smile. "I guess so." Mamoru wandered around the room, taking in the decorating and then he looked at the magazines on the table. He recognized the one with her on the cover, but not the others. He spotted the tabloid paper and picked it up. He smiled. "Hmm, I wonder why you bought this."

	Usagi tried to stop herself from smiling but she couldn't. She sat down next to him as he looked through the magazines, searching for her picture. He found a picture of her dressed in a long white dress. She looked like an angel. "Is this really better than being with us?"

	She sighed, "Seven years ago when I was living up in Northern Japan, if I would have heard that you still loved me I would have been back in an instant. But now things are just different. I can no longer go back to being that person who wants to be married or whatever naive things I used to want. There is nothing in my life now that makes sense, but it's easier than the pain of the past. I don't think that I could go back there." She was staring at nothing in particular across the room. 

	Mamoru looked at her, at her eyes and the way they now looked kind of old and sad when they used to always look happy and cheerful. "Usagi, do you know how selfish that it? Your parents think you are dead. I know what it's like to lose family. I lost my parents and then I lost you. I know how they feel. You're denying them the joy of knowing you're alive just because it would be a little weird for you."

	Usagi swallowed and felt tears well up in her eyes. "My parents used to be proud of me. Even though I got bad grades and I was klutzy they loved me. They would not be proud of me now. They would be ashamed. I'd rather go on lonely than have to see them look at me with disappointment." A tear slipped free and slowly traveled down her cheek, but she suddenly wiped at it quite fiercely.  Mamoru watched the wall come back up.

	"Usako, I can tell I won't change your mind about that, but if I still love you despite all of that don't you think your parents would too?" She hadn't looked at him pretty much since he'd first arrived. It was quite annoying, and made it harder to read her. She just seemed detached. 

	Usagi stood up. "I think it's time for you to go."

	Mamoru stood as well. "Alright. I'll go. Just look at me first."

	She reluctantly raised her eyes to meet his, just because she wanted to get him out of her apartment so she could cry freely.

	Once Mamoru had her eye contact he said, "I love you. You. Not 14-year-old Usagi. 21-year old Usagi, Tori, whatever." With that he turned and headed for the door, letting himself out. Usagi spent the rest of the night crying.

+++++++++++++++++++

	The next day Usagi was shocked to see Mamoru through the peep hole. She took a deep breath and opened the door. "I thought you left." 

	Mamoru smiled as he strolled in uninvited. "I came to Los Angeles to get you back. If I'm not leaving with you, I'm not leaving." He sat down on the couch where he had sat the day before.

	Usagi reluctantly sat across from him. She didn't know what she was going to do with his stubbornness. She was dead set on not going back to Tokyo, and he was here not willing to take no for an answer. He said he would stay and be with her here, but she didn't think she could just be with Mamoru again as if no time had passed.  

	"Usako, is there something here that you don't want to leave? What is keeping you in LA?"

	She shrugged. "I don't care about LA. I just can't go back to Tokyo. It's been too long. And it was my city when I was a very different person."

	"Maybe Tokyo can help you be that person again. That's where everyone who loves you is. Your friends and family. Me. Although from now on, I'll be wherever you are." He tried to read her to see if he was having any affect, or if he was going too far. He didn't want to cause her to run again. He watched her eyes grow harder. 

	"You can't keep saying that when you don't know anything about my life. Do you think it was easy? I was fourteen with hardly any money. There were times that I was homeless. There were times that I was starving." She paused looking at him. "Wipe that pity from your face. I didn't tell you that to make you feel sorry for me. I told you that to tell you who I am now. What I did. I stole food. I slept with guys to have a bed to sleep in for a night."

	Mamoru felt a pang of sadness for her, but he didn't let it show. He realized what she was doing. She was trying to hurt him, or disgust him, to get him to leave. He suddenly knew that was what she was afraid of. That if she let him back into her life, maybe down the road he would learn something about her past and turn his back on her again. So she was trying to get him to leave her now, before her heart got involved and she got hurt again. Breaking up with her seven years ago clearly destroyed her ability to trust. He couldn't regret it more. 

	He finally spoke. "You did what you had to do to survive."

	Usagi studied Mamoru but all she could read in his eyes was tenderness and love. It was frustrating. Maddening. How could he love such a terrible person? "I'm tired. I have to get up early tomorrow for a shoot," she lied.

	Mamoru stood up. "Time for me to go, I guess."

	Usagi nodded and went to open the door. As he walked out he turned back and said, "I love you, Usako. I'll see you tomorrow."

	Usagi froze for a second, and then closed the door. 

+++++++++++++++++++

	This pattern continued for several more days. Every day Mamoru would show up at Usagi's door, and every time she let him in. Usagi kept trying to push him away, sharing more and more stories from her past. They ranged from sex with strangers, to drugs, to abortions. Mamoru was always sad for her and all she had been through, but he was careful never to show pity. He just wanted to show her that whatever she said, he still loved her. Eventually she would always tell him to go. And he would always tell her he loved her.

	Usagi was more confused than ever. She knew if she was really trying to avoid Mamoru, she could just not open the door, or leave town. But somehow she looked forward to his daily visits. Even though she spent the time telling horrible stories and trying to scare him away, she strangely felt happier and more her old self when she was in his presence. However, part of her brain still fought against her feelings for Mamoru. That part of her continued to tell her that he had ruined her life. He had told her he didn't love her when it wasn't even true, causing her to run from Tokyo. How could she forgive that?

+++++++++++++++++++

	So far, Mamoru had consistently been telling Usagi how he felt, but keeping his distance. Today, he thought he might try something different. When she opened the door he took a step inside so that she could close the door, but then he just stood in front of her. He was too close for comfort for Usagi, but she couldn't move. He started to reach his hand out and Usagi backed away. Mamoru slowly followed, until she had her back to the wall and he stood right in front of her.

	He didn't want to overwhelm her, so he moved slowly to give her time to move. He very slowly raised his hand again. Usagi didn't move. She looked into his eyes, very unsure. Mamoru touched his pointer finger to her soft cheek, slowly dragging it down her face to her chin. Since she hadn't objected he then cupped her cheek in his palm. "You're beautiful." He said, stepping closer.

	Suddenly, Usagi wiggled out from her place and went to sit on the couch. Mamoru reminded himself to have patience and sat in his usual place across from her. He remained quiet, and watched the war in her eyes. 

	"Mamoru, I'm confused," she started. "You say you love me, and that you're here to get me back or whatever. What exactly is it that you want from me? What do you see for us?"

	"Well, that will mostly depend on you. If it were up to me, we would return to Tokyo together. I would love it for you to live with me, but if that were too much for you, you could move back with your parents or I could help you find a place." He paused, hoping he wasn't saying too much. He anticipated that they were probably nearing the portion of the day where she would tell him to leave. "I want to marry you. Down the road, we could have kids."

	Usagi thought about all he was saying. Somehow, it shocked her that he still wanted all of that, and from her. She thought she had given all of that up, and it actually sounded wonderful to her to dream about, but she didn't see it as a reality. She could not picture herself being a wife or mother. As she thought it through, she was shaking her head without even realizing it. 	
	
	Mamoru watched her head slowly shaking back and forth. Her eyes were confused and almost scared. "Usagi, stop punishing yourself. Allow yourself some happiness." 

	Usagi's eyes flooded with tears. "How do you know I'm not punishing you?"

	Mamoru smiled. "Because then you wouldn't let me in."

	Usagi stood up. She began pacing as the tears began falling. Her mind was a muddle with thoughts of weddings, houses, and happiness. Was it possible?  She headed into the kitchen and started making a salad just to keep her hands busy.

	Mamoru followed her. He had never seen her so out of control. She always put up that wall and acted like nothing affected her, but it would seem that today he had rattled her shield. He stood there for five minutes watching her and listening to her cry, but she didn't turn around and look at him once. "As I've said, if Tokyo is too much, we can do all of that here, or wherever you want. Usako, I don't care what I have to do to have you, but I can't live without you."

	Usagi turned around and finally looked at him,  wiping at her tears. "Mamo-chan." Mamoru's heart jumped when she called him that. It had been seven years since she'd called him that. "Have you ever been with anyone before?"

	Mamoru shook his head. "I've been waiting for you all my life."

	Usagi was half shocked but she had half expected it from him. "How is that possible? You're, what, 27? You're a successful doctor. You're--" She cut off just in time. She had been about to say gorgeous. 

	"I'm what?" Mamoru prompted. He watched in amazement as she blushed. He hadn't seen her blush since she was fourteen. He sighed. "Usako, I never even dated. I was already in love with someone else."

	She smiled and stepped closer to him. "I wish I could say the same thing, but unfortunately I can't." She took another step forward and hesitated. Mamoru reached out and put his hands around her waist to bring her closer. She leaned closer and kissed him. The last kiss in Tokyo had surprised her. It had been amazing, but she had been so shocked she hadn't really responded. This kiss was different. She started off hesitantly, but he didn't hesitate to show his desire. She gave up her fight and gave in. 
	
	A minute later Mamoru pulled back. They were both breathing heavily. "Is it time for me to leave again?" 

	Usagi smiled. "No. You can stay." 

	
	He nodded. Usagi started to lean in for a kiss again but Mamoru caught her chin between his fingers. "I'll stay. But first you have to say it."

	She looked confused. "Say what?"
	
	"Your feelings." His eyes drilled into hers. He could see it there, but he needed to hear it.

	Usagi swallowed, half of her brain fighting against the words she was about to say, but for once she ignored that half of her brain and said it anyway. "I love you," she whispered. Because it was the truth.

	Mamoru claimed her lips again. 

+++++++++++++++++++

	Usagi had always known that she was still in love with Mamoru, it was just part of being soul mates. She knew she would always love him. She could screw up her life as much as she wanted to and try anything and everything to forget him but she knew she never would. Still, knowing that he loved her didn't change things. She didn't have anything figured out, and truly couldn't picture a future together with him, being happy as if nothing had happened. As if no time had passed. She hadn't been planning to, but in the morning she snuck out, leaving Mamoru in her apartment. She paid her landlord for the next two months' rent and got on the next plane for France.

	She had been to France a few times for modeling jobs and she knew a place where she could rent a room for a good price while she sorted out her thoughts and figured out what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. Either Mamoru could be a part of it, which would make her really happy, but she would have to face her past and trying to be someone she hadn't been in seven years. Or she could continue to live a lonely empty life while everyone she loved missed her.

+++++++++++++++++++

	It was like she had disappeared off the face of the planet. After Mamoru returned to Tokyo he would call her often and buy American magazines to see if her picture was in any of them. But she never answered her phone and he never found her picture. She really had changed. He would have never thought she would do such a thing. Sometimes he was scared to death that she might be dead and sometimes he was just really angry at her.

	And then one day, over two months after she had disappeared, she showed up on his doorstep in Tokyo. She looked different. Her hair was longer and her makeup was a lot more natural than it had been before. She was wearing ordinary, semi-baggy clothes. Usagi had hoped that he didn't live in the same apartment. It would make things too much like they had been before. But he did live just where he used to live and everything in his apartment was exactly the same too.

	Mamoru didn't know what to say to her. He let her in and she went immediately to look out the window. "Usagi, you accused me of messing with you when I kissed you a few months ago. But you have messed with me far more than I have."

	Usagi sighed and sat down. She hadn't missed the fact that he called her Usagi, not Usako. "I know, I'm sorry."

	Mamoru sat down across from her. "Why? Why'd you leave and where have you been?"

	Usagi looked into his eyes. "I know it probably seems like I was just toying with you, like I wanted to hurt you like you had hurt me all those years ago. But the truth is...the truth is, when I told you I loved you, I meant it. I never stopped loving you, I just thought you didn't love me back, so I walled off my heart."

	Mamoru sighed. "I -"

	"Let me finish, please." She cut him off. She couldn't make eye contact any longer. She took a deep breath. "I've been with more guys than I care to admit, but I've never felt anything like that night we were together. It scared me. It confused me. Clearly, my first instinct is to run. I just went to France for a while to clear my thoughts. I felt terrible about what I did to you, but I had to decide if *this*," she gestured to the two of them, "was worth facing the distance I have put between my past and my life now. If I was ready to admit who I really am now and whether I could change."

	She finally looked up at him. His eyes were full of hurt and love. It squeezed at her heart that he could still look at her like that after all she had put him through. "And?" He prompted. He didn't want to get his hopes up.

	"For a while there I was fully intending to ignore the love I felt for you. I just couldn't see myself ever being a wife and a mother. I didn't want to raise daughters and have them ever discover how terrible a person I was."

	Mamoru had to interrupt her there. "Usako, you need to stop beating yourself up about whatever you have done. That doesn't define you. It doesn't change how others think of you. At least not the ones that love you."

	She smiled. "It's nice to hear that from you. In all honestly I probably would have let my fear and self-loathing keep myself from you forever. But...fate had other plans. Mamoru, I'm pregnant."

	That was the last thing Mamoru had been expecting. He was still upset with her, but he couldn't help but feel a little hope that she might stay, a little excitement over being a father. "Are you sure it's mine?" He asked a little bitterly. He couldn't take any more of her getting his hopes up and then smashing them to pieces.

	Usagi nodded sadly. "I know I deserve that, but yes. There hasn't been anyone since you and there hadn't been anyone for a while before."

	"So, what are you saying? You want to stay? You want me to go back to L.A. with you? Or are you planning to continue living on your own?" He now realized that there was something even worse than Usagi leaving him again. She could go back to L.A. on her own and raise his baby there, thousands of miles away from him. 

	Usagi did look hurt this time. "Mamo-chan, I'm terrified. Terrified of being a mother. Terrified of facing my family and all that has happened as a result of my leaving. But I'm willing to face all of that, if we have a shot of being a family. I know I couldn't do any of it without you. If you can forgive me and accept me as I am, I'd like to try to stay."

	Mamoru had been quiet for about a minute. His face hadn't even changed. Usagi was worried about how he'd respond. "Mamo-chan?"

	Her gentle worried voice snapped him out of it. He stood up and moved to sit beside her. "Okay, Usako. I love you, and I have to admit I'm excited about this baby. But you have to agree that you won't just run away any time you get scared or confused." 

	Usagi sighed in relief and hugged him. It felt like she had gone back in time. She was in Mamoru's apartment in Tokyo.  "I promise," she whispered. It was a scary promise to make, but she thought that with Mamoru's love grounding her, she'd be able to get past her flight instinct.

	Usagi pulled back to look at him and sighed. "How am I going to tell my parents that I'm alive, I left purposely, all that I've done over these years, and that I'm pregnant? I'm going to give them heart attacks."

	"How about we invite them over one day, along with your friends, and you can tell them the whole story at the same time you tell them about our engagement?"

	Usagi raised her eyebrows. "We're engaged?"

	He smiled. "If you'll agree to marry me."

	Usagi hesitated. "Okay, but only if we are engaged for a while. I feel like we don't even really know each other now. We need some time," she said. 

	"Of course," Mamoru agreed, and then he hugged her again. 

+++++++++++++++++++

Ten Years Later-

	"What do you have behind your back?"

	Mamoru shrugged slyly and walked passed her. She reached out and grabbed the paper from his hands. She looked at it. It was the picture of her in a white dress from one of her magazine spreads. "Where did you get this?"

	"I kept it from your old apartment in LA."

	Usagi looked at the picture for a minute before tearing it up. Mamoru frowned. "Why'd you do that?"

	Usagi shrugged. "I don't like that picture. It's not the person I am anymore."

	Mamoru smiled. "Well I for one am glad about that." He leaned in to kiss her.

	"Ewwww." They both laughed and looked down at their ten-year-old daughter, Chibi-Usa. "Why are you always kissing?"

	"Well Chibi-Usa, you'll be kissing somebody someday." 

	The little girl just said 'eww' again. "Chibi-Usa, where are your brothers?"

	"They're watching TV."

	"Well go tell them that dinner is ready."

	Chibi-Usa ran off and she soon returned with four-year-old twins Kin and Yoshi. Usagi sat down at the table and made sure that their kids were clean. Mamoru soon came in holding the baby, Tamika. Usagi smiled at her husband and four kids. She locked eyes with Mamoru. "And to think that ten years ago I couldn't picture myself as a mother."

The End