Desperately Alone Part 7 By Tisha Two days after Tokashi was born, Usagi was allowed to go home. Tokashi, however, had to stay in the hospital in the little incubator-type device that kept him alive by feeding him and helping him breathe. Not only was it very hard for Usagi to go home without her baby, but it was also very weird. For seven months she'd been held captive in a plain, boring room with nothing to do but look forward to Mamoru's ten-minute visits. Now she was back in her own room, which seemed suddenly immature to her. She felt too old to have bunnies decorating her room. It was also strange to live at home knowing that Mamoru was back at his apartment across town, and not just across the hall. It was very hard for Usagi to keep herself busy each day, and she'd spend at least half the day at the hospital, simply sitting and watching her tiny baby. An entire week had passed and Tokashi's health had not improved. He hadn't even gained any weight, even though the doctor said that the way they were caring for him should give him a little more weight quickly. So Usagi tried not to think about the possibility of not having her baby anymore and she just tried to do happy things, like making a baby book. She was working on writing a caption beneath one of the pictures when her mom knocked on her door. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Working on Tokashi's baby book." Usagi stated as she finished her sentence and replaced the pen's cap. "Want to see?" Ikuko nodded and sat next to Usagi, taking the book from her hands and starting at the beginning. There wasn't much there altogether, just a page about being pregnant-even though she had left out the part about being kidnapped- and a few pictures. Ikuko wasn't able to get out any words because she felt like she would cry if she tried. It was terrible to have your grandson being so sick and to also see your daughter suffer through it. "Mom, what if I never get a chance to add to it?" Ikuko shook her head, trying to keep from letting her tears escape. "I don't know. But if anything should happen- God forbid- I'm sure you'll get to start another baby book someday." "That still doesn't help." Usagi sighed and looked at the pictures in the open baby book. "I think I'll go to the hospital for a while." Ikuko nodded. "Do you want me to take you?" "No, I think I'll call Mamo-chan." ••••••••••••••••••• Usagi and Mamoru usually went to the hospital together, except for when Mamoru was at school and then Usagi would come with her mom. Mamoru had managed to get back into school but he had to repeat his courses. Usagi was planning to go back to school, but she wasn't sure when. Whenever she did return, she would have to either take summer school or repeat a year, which she didn't want to do because she wouldn't be with her friends. At the hospital there was one room for the preemies and it was quite small. Usagi hated the room itself because it was plain and it always smelled strongly of medicine and antiseptic. There were only two other babies in the room with Tokashi, and Usagi had seen the parents in there quite often. One of the babies was a girl who had been in that room for over a month. She was doing really well and her parents were a couple in their mid-thirties who had been trying for children for years. The other baby was a boy who was just a little bigger than Tokashi. His mother was even younger than Usagi was, but Usagi had never really spoken to her. She hadn't ever seen a father there either. Usagi and Mamoru would always pull up some of the uncomfortable metal chairs and just sit there looking at the baby, taking note of his every tiny movement. The nurses often came through to check statis and sometimes when the nurses came in they would let Usagi or Mamoru touch him through a little hole in the side. One time Usagi had reached in and his tiny fingers had curled around her pinky. Usagi had immediately burst into tears. Usagi sighed as she looked at his tiny, sleeping form. "It's hard to believe he's only a week old. It seems like it's been so much longer." Mamoru only nodded, holding one of Usagi's hands while she held the other on the plastic of the incubator he was in, moving her fingers slightly as if she was actually touching his skin. "He looks just like you." Usagi added with a smile, taking in the baby's dark features. She didn't often see him with his eyes opened but she knew that they were big round circles, as black as the night. Minutes of silence passed as they simply sat watching their baby and dreaming about what it would be like if they were able to really hold him and play with him. Suddenly there was a beeping noise and Usagi pulled her hand back, wondering what was going on. And then the nurses and doctors came in and rolled him away so that they all surrounded him and Usagi and Mamoru couldn't even see. "What's going on?" Mamoru asked them as both he and Usagi stood up. "Please go to the waiting room." One of the nurses turned to tell them. Usagi shook her head. "No, I want to stay here." "You're going to be in the way. We need you to go to the waiting room." She repeated, this time moving forward to shoo Usagi out of the room. As soon as they were out Usagi looked at Mamoru, fear evident in her eyes. "What's happening?" "I don't know." He pulled her near him and they walked slowly to the waiting room, neither being able to wait patiently. Mamoru paced while Usagi stood, leaning against a wall and chewing on one of her nails. It was about fifteen minutes before the doctor came out. Mamoru immediately stopped his pacing and went over to Usagi, holding tightly onto one of her hands. The doctor's face gave nothing away, but he didn't start speaking until they were both standing there together, holding hands for support. "I'm very sorry," He began, but Usagi didn't want to hear any more. She buried her face in Mamoru's side and tried to suppress the sobs she could already feel coming on. The doctor looked at her and then just turned his complete attention toward Mamoru and continued. "His heart stopped beating. We did everything we could but we couldn't start it again. He was very small and very weak; it was a long shot from the beginning. You should be happy you got to spend the week with him." Usagi shook her head against Mamoru as the words repeated themselves in her ears. She heard the doctor walking away and she no longer tried to suppress the tears. A large sob escaped from deep in her throat and Mamoru turned fully toward her and wrapped his arms around her. ••••••••••••••••••• From then on life was kind of like a dream to Usagi, or rather, a nightmare. It felt like nothing was ordinary, or maybe it was just that everything was just *too* ordinary compared to the last nine months. Either way, she couldn't go a whole minute without thinking of Tokashi and the way the doctor had said it would have been a long shot for him to live. Wasn't that a rude thing for him to say? The entire week of Tokashi's life they had tried to make her believe it was good that he was still holding on to life and that he was showing hope. But now she knew they were lying to her. The whole time they knew he would probably die. She couldn't get herself to go back to school yet, either. So she stayed home every day with not much at all to do. During the day her mom would try to cheer her up and later on her friends and Mamoru and even her dad tried to cheer her up, but it never really worked. She really wanted to be able to move on and have fun with her friends like before but it was still just such an odd concept to hang out with her friends a mere month after giving birth. She felt like she should be feeding a baby instead. Mamoru had tried to do anything and everything to cheer her up but nothing seemed to work. He finally had an idea he thought might work, but it wasn't going to be easy. He knocked on the door to the Tsukino residence and waited. Eventually Ikuko opened the door. "Oh, hi Mamoru, I didn't know you were coming over. Did you and Usagi have plans?" "No, actually I came hoping I could speak to Mr. Tsukino." Ikuko nodded and invited him. "I think he's in the living room." Mamoru thanked her and headed toward the living room, finding Usagi's dad on the couch reading the newspaper. Mamoru simply cleared his throat to get his attention. He looked up and then looked surprised to see Mamoru there. "Mamoru, what are you doing here?" Mamoru took the liberty of sitting on the loveseat adjacent to the couch Kenji was on. "I wanted to speak with you." Kenji nodded. "About Usagi?" Mamoru nodded, not knowing if he should say anything in response to that. But Kenji continued. "I have so say, Mamoru, that I never used to like you." Mamoru smirked a little. "Does that mean you like me now?" Kenji smiled. "Well I like you more than I did, that's for sure. I guess it was because of your age difference. I hated the thought of her with you. But everything changed when I found out about your secret identities. It was like a comfort to learn that you had been protecting her from all of these evils for these past two years." Mamoru nodded. "I love her. I'd do anything for her." "I don't doubt that you do love her. I did, however, doubt your respect for her. After she got pregnant it was like I started feeling more open to the idea of her dating you, but at the same time the idea that you'd gotten her pregnant in the first place infuriated me. But now I know the truth, and I respect that you *have* had respect for her." Mamoru was silent for a second, wondering why Kenji was doing so much talking when it was him who came to explain himself. He also hadn't been sure whether Usagi told her parents about him not being the real father. He had rehearsed what he had to say a million times in his mind, but now it no longer seemed appropriate with the way the conversation was going. He finally took a deep breath and started into at least some of what he had planned to say. "Well, I came here to convince you that I love Usagi, but apparently you don't have any argument to that. And I'm sure you already know that she loves me too. I'm not sure if she's told you this- but we've seen our past lives as well as our futures. Our destiny is to be together. So, I would like your permission to ask her to marry me." Kenji smiled, knowing that this had been coming. He'd thought about it a lot recently and he decided that he was ready to let Usagi go. She was in a place in her young life where she was already very independent and now he knew that marrying Mamoru would be a great ease to her pain. He finally sighed and answered. "It's perfectly all right with me, on one condition." Mamoru's eyebrows were raised, waiting to hear this condition. "You can propose to her whenever you'd like, but I don't want you to get married until after she's eighteen. I want these last few months that I have left with her." Mamoru nodded and smiled, amazed that it had actually been so easy. He'd been prepared to argue if he had said no. "That won't be a problem. Thank you." He stood up and offered his hand to Kenji. Kenji stood as well and shook his hand, but then he surprised Mamoru by hugging him. It was just a quick, professional-like hug, but it was a hug none-the-less. "I really appreciate that you asked me before you asked her." Mamoru nodded and said goodbye, letting himself out. He really would have liked to stay and see Usagi but he figured he had the rest of his life to see her, and he had some ring shopping to do anyway. ••••••••••••••••••• Three Years Later- Mamoru and Usagi stepped out of the hospital doors holding hands and headed to their car. "How about we go out for lunch?" Mamoru asked. "Sounds great. I feel like some Mexican food." Mamoru smiled. Her pregnancy seemed to have her craving spicy, rich foods, so they'd been eating a lot of Mexican. They both got in the car and Mamoru had to help Usagi get the seatbelt around her pregnant stomach. She smiled at him. "Can you believe it?" Mamoru started the car and then glanced at her. "Believe what?" "That we're going to have twins. It's amazing." She thought back on the loss of her first baby. It had been very tragic but now it was like God was making up for it. She still thought about Tokashi every day, but she was glad that she had been able to finish high school before this pregnancy. She and Mamoru had gotten married the summer after they lost Tokashi, just after Usagi turned 18. She'd had to work very hard to make up the year she'd missed at school, but since she was married to Mamoru he would help her study a lot. She had actually ended up getting pretty good grades. "So, how many more do you think we should have after these two?" Usagi laughed. "Well, the first time I had one, and this time I'm having two. I wonder if that means that the next pregnancy will be triplets. That would definitely be interesting. But whatever does happen, I'll love them all." The End.